I started this book as a bonafide fan, but by around page 500 I kind of wanted to barf all over it. Why I am so bothered by the implausibility of certain parts of this book, when the entire premise is that one of the main characters is a vampire?! I don’t think I get to be annoyed by Bella thinking that a real conversation is a dream when it SO CLEARLY IS NOT A DREAM, but then fully accept that there are werewolves and vampires running rampant 100 miles from my home. But I am and I do. And also? If I had to hear one more Native American story about spirit warriors I was going to stab myself with a wooden stake, or beat myself over the head with a big cross, drown myself in holy water, or suck my own blood. Something. Anything other than keep reading.
I was in Belize when the story line was ramping up for the “big battle” and I just couldn’t bring myself to care. I almost used the book to kill a giant scorpion that made its way into our bedroom. Instead, Jeff trapped it under a huge margarita glass and carried it outside while I cowered on the bed.
Unwilling to completely abandon the book, I decided to skip the next 100 pages or so and just read the last chapter. Imagine my surprise when it appeared that NOTHING had changed in the 100 pages that I’d skipped! Bella still wants to be a vampire and Edward still worries about her immortal soul.
But here’s the thing. Now that it’s been a week or two since I left the book behind in my Belize hotel…. I kind of want to know what I missed. What is wrong with me??!!
2 days ago